Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder is a medical condition that afflicts the polar bear (ursus maritimus) population in many parts of he world. While little is known of the plethora of diseases and ailments that many mammals suffer, Absolute Facts has been able to obtain first-hand, accurate and exclusive information of the above-mentioned condition.

Symptoms

The main symptom of this disease is, of course, the skewing of a polar bear's sexual orientation. This accounts for the naming of the condition (bipolar). In addition to this dangerous observation, many symptoms that are consistent with rabies, HIV, cancer and hay fever also menifest themselves from time to time.

Causes

After extensive research by the Polar Bear Research Department here at Absolute Facts, we have found that the vast majority of polar bears suffering from Bipolar Disorder have been found to possess several undescended chromosomes, fused with spin-spin coupling as a direct result of exposure to harmful emissions of Greenhouse Gases.

With the evidence in hand, Absolute Facts has enlisted the aid of the world's premier Bear Genetician Dr. Baban Hasnat to study possible methods to remedy and rectify this sad situation.

History

Despite the fact that Bipolar Disorder was originally thought to be a rare condition (estimates of 0.0000061% have been quoted from The Wall Street Journal), we here at Absolute Facts have proved otherwise, with our in-depth research and analysis.

In 1852, our leading scientists and stuntmen carried out an experiment whereby a male polar bear known to be suffering from Bipolar Disorder was set in an enclosure with two possible routes to take. The polar bear was first starved for approximately two weeks, with the rationale that a hungry and deprived polar bear would only make basic natural decisions, uninfluenced by anything "artificial", ie, such a specimen would only have its basic needs in mind.

The first route led to a female polar bear, while the other led to a human male. In almost every instance of the massive experiment, our polar bear chose to take the path that led to the male. Strangely enough, the test bear also displayed high levels of aggression towards our male human.

Continuous repetition of this experiment has shown that even polar bears which have not been disgnosed with Bipolar Disorder exhibit behaviour consistent with bears that are known to be suffering from the condition.

From this experiment, Absolute Facts has concluded that the proportion of polar bears suffering from Bipolar Disorder is very much higher than the relatively low numbers originally estimated by such entities as The Wall Street Journal.

Consequences

The uncontrolled spread of Bipolar Disorder has led to the polar bear being put on the endangered species list, as many polar bears inevitably die while attempting to procreate with a member of the same gender; an act which ultimately leads to violent confrontations and/or uncontrollable bleeding and lacerations from various orifices.