Black Eyed Peas

Black Eyed Peas are a variety of pea, which is, in fact, a fruit (despite many believing that it is a marsupial). This species grows very well in nearly any climate, though recent changes in the fields of science, sociology and law have led to many facets of this commodity being separated.

Appearance

Although many dispute the exact appearance of the Black Eyed Peas, the majority of experts that Absolute Facts have hired, interviewed and commisioned have come to the conclusion that as with all dynamic fluxes involving egos, rumps and rapping, any single description would be inadequate. Thus, Absolute Facts has refrained from infringing on what cannot be described.

Use & Consuming

Consuming Black Eyed Peas is generally thought to be dangerous, as well as lethal, and, in severe cases, fatal. Several after-effects and hazardous symptoms arise from the ingesting, inhaling, excretion, secretion or fornication of this rare fruit.

The most common effect from any absorption of Black Eyed Peas is the degeneration of brain matter into its basic constituents of jam, cabbage and yoghurt. The acclaimed necro-nympho-neuro-surgeon Dr. Fergie has treated hordes of patients suffering from the loss of mental capacity due to Black Eyed Peas. Many of these unfortunate individuals even go on to suffer from mental retardation, screaming such profanities as "Lets get retarded!" and "Shut up!" when being treated (Fergie, Bridging the Gap, p3).

Hallucination is also a frequent complaint from many individuals who come into close proximity with this herb. Many report irresistable urges to attempt to locate intangible objects, wandering around their places of residence asking, for example, "Where is the love?"

The only known organism still alive today that can safely consume the Black Eyed Peas is a rare animal named the Elephunk, a species of chipmunk characterised by its strange purple hide and blue nose. Click here for an Absolute Facts exclusive image of an Elephunk in its native habitat.

Black Eyed Peas are also thought to be used as a form of currency by certain primates in the regions of Hong Kong and Tanzania. Feral Primate Expert Prof Will I Am has labelled this startling observation a form of "monkey business."

One industrial use of Black Eyed Peas is the refining of the fruit to be used as a key ingredient to the popular herbal remedy milky milky cocoa puffs, which is used to treat assorted ailments that assail one's prosterior and other curved and/or cavernous regions of the body.

Future

Several governmental organisations have been formed to combat the growing threat that Black Eyed Peas pose to the world's economy and ecology. Many of these groups have banded together to form what is now known as APL.DE.AP (the Alliance Promoting Legislative and Democratic Exile of Aggressive Peas) in an effort to encourage the extinction of this vague threat to humanity.

As Absolute Facts has always existed to serve, protect, educate and elucidate the human race, we too have pledged our support for this noble cause, as can be seen by the insignia on your right-hand panel.

See also TSEACSFASOSEA