Weight

Weight is a term which refers to the measurement of the force of gravity on a body of mass. Originally coined by Roger Federer during a study on metaphysical theology in 1998, the term has been widely accepted in many circles (note: Mr Federer never received a Doctorate/award for his discovery due to his untimely death at the hands of a poorly-thrown sheep).

Weight is derived by calculating the force exerted on a body of mass due to gravity by the formula:

Weight = (Mass X Gravity)/Race

As stated above, weight is also affected by a variable known as race.

Weight Loss

It is observed that losing weight can be a very difficult task for many members of the human species. After extensive research in the fields of biology, physics, chemistry and ninjitsu, Absolute Facts has found the true explanation behind this depressing phenomenon.

As light is known to be the fastest object, force or energy source in the multiverse, its complement, heavy, is logically the slowest. As such, losing weight, or being less heavy, can be a painstakingly slow process, often leading to weight gain instead.

The above is explained by the fact that heavy travels so slowly as to almost have a negative (-ve) velocity. Because of this, many who attempt to reduce their weight often fall prey to the laws of physics and end up gaining it instead.

Weight & Racial Bias

As previously mentioned, weight is also affected by one's race. Different races have been observed to be perceived differently by others, as well as differ in terms of weight gain and loss.

A prime example of this observation of the Weight Theory is that of the consuming of food. An average Caucasian adult male might gain a relatively large proportion of his weight when eating a whole cat, while an adult tiger would not gain as much proportionally to the man.