Mats

This entry is pertaining to the humanoid sub-species mats. To obtain information on mats (floor ornament) or others, please refer to mats (disambiguation) which will be formed shortly.

Basics

The mat is a subspecies of the homo sapiens race, present mainly in the habitats of Singapore and Malaysia in South-East Asia. Not much has previously been known of the strange people, but Absolute Facts has uncovered everything you will need to know of them.

Appearance

The mat is usually similar in appearance to an adolescent of Malay origin. At times, however, this restriction gives way to folk of Indian or Arab descent, though a distinct Malay impression is often observed on the individual(s).

The typical garb of the mat, contrasting to "regular" people, almost always included tapered jeans. The full explanation for this phenomenon will be discussed in later sections of this entry.

Behaviour & Biology

Conversing mainly in Bahasa Melayu or Malay, mats often band together, though many experts refuse to categorise them as "social animals" like lions, elephants or chihuahuas. This is mainly due to them partaking in distinctly anti-social behaviour, though many psychologists maintain that their lifestyle is actually socially acceptable in their eyes, and hence they have their own social norms, morals and values.

Like many primitive cultures, mats have embraced music as a primary form of expression, gathering in great hordes under huge concrete constructs called HDB Blocks to strum instruments similar to guitars. Strikingly similar to contemporary "western" music, their "songs" can be directly compared to such classics from blue-jazz quartet Scorpions or boy-band Metallica.

One unexplained aspect of their behaviour is the tendency for mats to congregate in corners. In the much-publiscised experiments of acclaimed clinical zoological behaviorist Sir Elton John, mats were placed in a perfectly circular room. Lacking any corners to make their way to, they began to wander around aimlessly, eventually lapsing into fits of despair, confusion and hysteria.

A possible explanation for this anomaly is the fact that tapered genes are present in every mat in existence. Like hereditary genetic diseases like Sickle Cell Anemia and Fragile-Y Syndrome, certain discrepancies in the genetic make-up of the racial stock of the mats have led to the widespread manifestation of this behaviour.

Spiritual leaders have dismissed the above notion, arguing instead that the reason mats seek corners is due to a fundamental desire to do good for the world; corners invariably have right angles. Their hypothesis is that the mats are subliminally attracted to such angles as they strive for righteousness.

Others

While the term mat or mats is used when referring to the males of the species, females are referred to as minah (MEE-NAH) or minahs, not to be confused with the endangered and protected bird of prey, the mynah.