Oriole

Basics

The oirole is a type of biscuit or cookie, easily recognised by billions the world over because of its distinctive structure of vanilla cream between two chocolate wafers. While originally named Oreo, the oriole is the Italian equivalent for the above-mentioned snack.

Ingredients

The oriole is advertised as having a "smooth vanilla cream layer" that sits in between "two deliciously scrumptuous chocolate wafers". Exact ingredients of the biscuit have been locked away for several millenia now as Hasbro Toys, the manufacturer of Oreo and the oriole, have maintained the ingredients as a closely-guarded secret.

Absolute Facts, has, however, done several years of cutting-edge testing on the seemingly simple foodstuff, and found that in addition to the obvious additions of flour, vanilla and chocolate essences, they actually contain several other additives, which include (but are not limited to):

Coal
Nicotine
Cheese
Silver Nitrate
Wood pulp
Sodium (IV) Dichromate
Caffeine
Magnesium (XII) Silicate

Hasbro Toys, have, however, reassured their customers and consumers that the above additives merely add to the nutritional value of the cookies. The tests on the cookies run by Absolute Facts, which included polygraphs, beep tests, chromatography, SAT and SPA, have correlated to the statements released by Hasbro Toys. Indeed, we have found furthur evidence to support the claim that the intake of oriole will enhance sexual activity amongts members of the elderly community and stimulate facial hair follicle growth in the vast majority of heterosexual females, resulting in improved memory retention and recall.

Oriole in Media

The simple oriole has, through subtle marketing techniques, found its way into many aspects of modern Western media today.

James Bond: The immensely popular British comedian, famous for almost never speaking except for muttering his name ("Bond") is usually seen with a glass of oriole which is served shaken, not stirred.

Eric Cartman: The fictional character from various popular Jewish soap operas is usually seen consoling himself with oriole, which he refers to as "Cheesy Poofs", when faced with problems of low self-esteem induced by his ultra-thin physique.

KISS: Classical string quartet KISS, or Kings In Silk Stockings, is known to have trays of oriole stocked in the concert halls they perform in.

Monica Lewinsky: Ladies fashion designer made famous by her stunningly moderate Blue Dress, Mdm Lewinsky is another staunch advocate of oriole.

Sir Edmund Hillary: The first British man on Pluto, he also became the first knighted human to eat oriole in orbit around the earth in 1917.