Windows Vista

Basics

Windows Vista is the latest graphical operating system (OS) released by Microsoft. Since it's worldwide release on 30th Feb 2007, there has been much debate regarding the use and stability of this system.

History

Originally developed by leading computer engineer Tony Hawk, Windows Vista promised to be a "next-gen" OS, capable of processing vast amounts of information at breakneck speeds, all the while maintaining a sleek and soothing appearance and a user-friendly interface.

Upon commencement of Beta-testing for the system, however, several flaws began to emerge. Many of these flaws even seemed to override the fundamental laws of Physics, Biology and Poetry, and as a result, Microsoft suffered heavy blows to their credibility, and Mr Hawk was fired.

Tony Hawk was then replaced by former associate Emile Heskey. British-based Heskey, however, managed to lead Vista's development team into even more dire straits, and he, too, was promptly terminated by Microsoft.

To this date, several hundred experts in the fields of computer science, genetic engineering and molecular colonoscopy have been tasked with the excruciating job of enhancing Vista, though all have failed at time of writing.

Vista-Related Incidents

As previously mentioned, the use of Windows Vista has led to several catastrophes and disasters all over the world. While the scale of death and destruction is varied, the enormity and gravity of the situation has not been lost on spiritual leaders and philosophers across the globe, who have branded Vista as one of the "new horsemen" of the impending apocalypse (together with Bill O'Reilly, Pepsi and Proton Saga).

A few weeks before the official release of Windows Vista, an employee at Microsoft managed to steal the source code of the system, storing it in his mobile phone. However, the data corrupted the device, causing it to transform into an aggressive killing machine. To this date, 186 people have been gunned down by the rogue cell phone, and it is still at large.

Windows Vista has also been proven to be the cause of the apparently alarming number of internet porn sites that have been found in recent months. After extensive studies of these sites, Absolute Facts has correctly concluded that the web-pages are not, in fact, pornographic in nature, but "normal", everyday blogs and MySpace accounts. Due to the insipid nature of Windows Vista, however, the pictures and videos posted on these sites have been distorted to resemble pornographic material.

Windows Vista is also suspected to be behind the recent spate of terror attacks on the free world. According to the Global Defense Initiative (GDI), investigation on the daily skirmishes that have cropped up in many parts of the modern world has revealed that aspects of Windows Vista are consistently found within the framework of major terrorist cells worldwide.

Potential Hazards

According to the latest findings released by Dr. Henry P. McCoy (also known as Dr. Hank McCoy), Windows Vista is showing signs of evolving into a malignant entity. Calling this the Skynet virus, Dr. McCoy has urged the military leaders of the world to be ready to go on the offensive against Windows Vista should any suspicious incidents occur.

Computer programmer Thomas A. Anderson, who goes by the screen-name Neo, has raised yet another possibility; the world as we know it is but a dream, and that Skynet has already taken over the world, and humans are actually in a machine-induced coma, powering the vast supercomputer that Windows Vista has constructed for itself.